Collected from around the net, many (ok, MOST) are groan-worthy !!
(Hey, it came from my 6yo !!!)
Signs That STAR TREK is Taking Over Your Life:
- Saying “engage,” “make it so,” or “I’m a doctor, not a …” in casual conversation.
- Becoming indignant that the periodic table doesn’t include dilithium and tritanium.
- Able to use “variable phase inverter” in a sentence without excessive thought first.
- Have figured out the stardate system.
- Being able to speak several nonexistent languages like Klingon, Romulan, or Bajoran.
- You have rigged up your cellular phone or PDA to “chirp” when you open it.
- You have more than one STAR TREK font installed on your computer.
- You don’t need any of the references on this list explained to you.
Things That Never Happen in STAR TREK:
Top ten signs your Klingon warrior has no honor:
10. Drinks decaf Raktagino.
9. Shouts “Where’s the Beef?” before charging into battle.
8. Despite years of training and experience at the weapons controls of the flagship of the Federation, manages to get defeated by two incompetent sisters and their secondhand Bird of Prey.
7. Nerf bat’leth.
6. When they wheel out the bloodwine, he’s always the designated driver.
5. Constantly getting beaten up by human females.
4. Abandons son with soft human parents, then acts all surprised when son turns out to be terrible warrior.
3. Tribble Tamagachi constantly needing to be fed.
2. Instead of traditional steel soled battle boots, prefers Nike Air Kaeliss’.
1. Wrist broken twice by alien-possessed chocoholic bunny-suited half Betazoid.
You know you’re a Deep Space Nine fan when …
… you write “hew-mon” in the Ethnicity section of the National Census form.
… you meet your new boss and instead of shaking his hand you grab his ear and try to sense his “pagh.”
… you examine chairs before sitting down in case they’re actually changelings.
… you visit New Orleans and spend two days looking for “Sisko’s.”
… you spend most Saturday afternoons in the garage building a hatching pond for Ensign Vilix’Pran.
… you build your own clocks to reflect a twenty-six hour day.
… you cut the palms of all your closest friends whenever you see them.
… you go to a plastic surgeon to have ridges put on your nose.
… you’ve learned the names of all the major Earth rivers by memorizing the names of the runabouts.
… you try to order Raktagino from Starbucks.
… you work the term “soulless minions of orthodoxy” into casual conversation.
… you’re addicted to ketracel white (white-out).
… you refer to your living room as Ops.
… you refer to your garage as Runabout Pad C.
… you spent hours at Caesar’s Palace looking for the Dabo tables.
… you’re strangely attracted to women with unique arrangements of moles on their face.
… you always sleep lightly in case Sloan shows up with an assignment for you.
… you see a girl with freckles and you wonder how far down those spots really go.
… you suspect your tailor of being a spy.
… your partner mentions foreplay and you ask for “oo-mox.”
… you scan the shelves of ‘Sven’s Adult Video Store’ for “Vulcan Love Slave Part II — The Revenge.”
… you name your teddy bear “Kukalaka.”
… you quote the Rules of Acquisition in your business meetings.
… you buy a used pool table to modify to play Dom-Jat.
… you try to order Slug-O-Cola with lunch.
… you shout “Victory is Life!” when you play sports.
… you hang your legs over every balcony you can find.
… you start calling your female friends “old man”.
… you try to answer your professor’s questions like you are a Prophet: “Calculus? What is this Calculus?”
… when pregnant you start sneezing.
… you demand that your salary be given to you in gold-pressed latinum.
… you sometimes go and see the “evil” version of your friends.
… whenever you try to go to our nation’s capital, some strange accident occurs and sends you back several hundred years earlier.
… you use the word “pallie” in your vocabulary once a week.
… when you hear the word “Alamo,” you don’t think of battle or car rentals, just Miles and Julian.
… when you hear critters in the walls, you don’t think mice; you think voles!
… you’ve convinced yourself one of your parents was possessed by a Prophet.
… you try and teach all of your friends about an old, nearly extinct sport, just so you can beat the hell out of someone you hated from school.
… when stuck in traffic you listen to Klingon Opera.
… you want to buy your dad a baseball card (featuring Willy Mays) for a special occasion.
… you dream of killing your boss, but are afraid he will simply return the following day, as your fresh, new Vorta.
… instead of sleeping at night you pretend that you rejoin The Great Link for eight hours or so.
… your song on American Idol is “The Best is Yet To Come.”
… you refer to your minister as your “vedek.”
… you go to Roswell demanding to see the evidence the Ferengi left behind.
… you go to San Francisco and search for a Gabriel Bell.
… you start trying to find Buck Bokai.
… you visit the Sydney Opera House and remark how much it looks like Vedek Winn’s hat from Season 1.
… you refer to your ears as “lobes.”
… every time something goes wrong in your life you assume Felix built it into your program as a jack-in-the-box.
… you only wear one earring, in your right ear.
… your ideal man would have a transparent skull.
… whenever you leave somewhere, you leave a baseball behind to let them know you’ll be back.





