Suddenly I feel really REALLY old…
Dec 082011
Oct 212011
I had the – misfortune – to go to a large hardware store tonight after work, intending to purchase several hundred dollars of garden power tools. Large, well known retailer, who’s “slogan” is;
Just the beginning… of one of the most horrendous shopping experiences of my life, and one that, were I the store manager, I would be sacking people over
Now, I don’t expect staff at ANY retailer to fawn over the customers – but nor do I expect them to totally ignore and show complete indifference towards them either, as was the case at the McGrath’s Hill Bunnings store tonight.
Staff Member #1 was unloading a pallet of stock in the aisle we were in and (as she said) didn’t work in that area. Fair enough. I asked a simple question about whether a brushcutter came with a harness or shoulder strap – then I noticed the picture on a box showing the strap. She still proceeded to try (unsuccessfully) to unbox the product, all the while mumbling to herself and ignoring me.
My wife asked her to get someone who worked in the area and who knew a little more about the products – a reasonable request, no ? The response was an indifferent “Oh, OK”, and she wandered back to her pallet. Has the request not been repeated, I have no doubt she would have continued unpacking it.
Staff Member #2 turns up, allegedly one who worked in that area. I indicated the device I was interested in and asked if the harness I wanted came with it or could be purchased, and what attachments came with it. “No idea.. I don’t think I have any in stock anyway”. I’m actually rather surprised he was walking upright, to be honest. It seemed almost an intrusion on his time for us to be there.
It was at this point that I said to my wife, rather loudly, “Forget it – let’s go. It’s obvious they don’t give a stuff about serving customers here”, and walked with my family to the exit.
I mentioned to the “greeter” that the store needed to employ staff who were a tad more intelligent, and then told her what just happened. Her response of “Oh”, then turning back to her paperwork, was the last straw.
Out in the carpark I phoned the store to contact the Store Manager – 15 minutes ON HOLD before someone answered the phone – her name was “Laurel” or “Lauren” or something similar – she spoke so fast and in such a disinterested voice I’m surprised she even bothered to come to work at all.
I asked to speak to the Store Manager, quite calmly and as soon as I had finished SHE SLAMMED THE PHONE DOWN ! I called back when I had calmed down, sone 20 minutes later at the local McDonalds, and was on hold for 25 minutes WITH NO HUMAN INTERVENTION !
People, I’m no-one special – I’m just a CUSTOMER. The person who spends money ! The money which pays YOUR WAGES !
You blew a potential $600 sale tonight – I already had decided which brush cutter I wanted, and would have bought the appropriate protective accessories with it as well. Not a huge sale in the great scheme of things I guess, but I hardly think you can turn a sale of ANY size away – certainly not with increased competition from the recently-announced Woolworths hardware venture.
Think of it this way – you piss me off and I don’t spend, say, $600. I also blog about it and tell, say, 10 friends. Let’s say that those 10 friends don’t spend $300 each (1/2 of what I was going to spend). That’s $3,600 in potential sales that YOU WILL NEVER SEE.
But it gets worse. Those 10 friends tell 10 friends each. Using the same figures, we’re up to around $36,000 in lost sales VERY VERY QUICKLY !
Sales that will go to the competition.
Can you afford NOT to do something about this attitude and still stay in business ?
MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT MUMS AND BACK-TO-SCHOOL
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Oct 082011
Misconception Number 1: Mums miss their kids when they go back to school.
Seriously. I’ve had enough of you by now. Every morning with the “what are we going to do today, Mum?” is finally over. I’ve had looked at your face twenty-four seven for the last 77 days.
It’s time to go learn something. No more asking me about the pool, when is the next snack or if you can stay up late and watch a movie. It’s over.
You’re going back to Hogwarts and I get to have a life again. There is a Christmas morning for parents and it’s called “back to school”.
Misconception Number 2: Mums like to go school shopping.
Are you freaking kidding me? Why do I pay taxes? So I can rack up a $200 bill at OfficeWorks for stuff that we have laying around my house in junk drawers.
Why does it have to be new pencils? What’s wrong with the chewed up, broken Strawberry Shortcake pencils sitting in the bottom of the toy box for the last six months?
And how many subject books can you possibly need? What happened to reading, writing and arithmetic?
If they added a couple of things for parents to that list I wouldn’t mind so much … why not pencils, erasers and vodka?
Misconception Number 3: Mums like back to school night.
Why must we do this every year? I got it already. You’re the teacher. I’m the parent. My kid is either going to be smart or dumb. If he gets a certain number of colored dots on his discipline chart, he can’t get a prize from the prize box.
Pretty simple stuff. Listen, I’m pretty old school. If he doesn’t listen to you, you can throw something at him. I don’t care. But I have a lot of work to do at home and I’m paying a babysitter right now.
Plus, I’m pretty sure you are going to assign some project on some Indian tribe I’ve never heard of, so I need to get home and start my research.
So, I got it. We’re all here for the betterment of the kids. Blah Blah. Can I leave now?
Misconception Number 4: Mums like school paperwork.
How many trees are you planning to kill in order to tell me the same stuff I had to pay a babysitter to listen to the other night?
You know our name, where we live and our emergency phone numbers. He doesn’t have a nickname. Call him “stink butt” for all I care. We don’t have any “special circumstances” that you need to know about. He lives in a home with two parents who may or may not like each other at any given time and they will fight.
If that qualifies as a reason he can’t get his homework done on time then he won’t be able to function as an adult and have a real job so you may want to ”educate” him on that life lesson.
Misconception Number 5: Mums like covering books in that annoying sticky paper.
What exactly will you be doing with these books that I have to cover them in a plastic laminate?
Do you often teach in the rain? Or while the children are drinking soda and eating soup? Do you know how long that takes? Has any parent in the history of education been able to do it without any air bubbles in it?
From now on I’m covering books the old way, with brown paper bags. That way I can cover the books and pack their lunches at the same time. Who says mums can’t multitask?
PS. If my son can’t find his lunch, please tell him to look in his science book.
Misconception Number 6: Mums like helping you with your homework.
What?!? I am scared out of my mind. I’m pretty sure that I forgot everything I learned in fifth grade by the time I was in sixth grade.
I have no idea what you are talking about most days. I don’t really know my 12 times tables. I read the Cliff’s Notes to all your summer reading and I don’t know how to conjugate anything. I do know that song, “Conjunction Junction What’s Your Function,” if that helps at all.
And please don’t even say the words “New Math” to me. What the heck was wrong the old one? Other than that I didn’t get it.
Misconception Number 7: Mums can’t wait to pack your lunch every day
I hate doing laundry. Making dinner every night is the bane of my existence, so making your lunch every day for an entire year, in terms of “mum fun”, lies somewhere between brushing plaque off the dogs’ teeth and scheduling my annual mammogram.
Listen, as a child I hated what my mum packed me for lunch. But, like every kid before me and every generation to come, you will find a kid to trade with. I’m sure someone likes sardines.
Misconception Number 8: Mums love after school activities.
I don’t know who made up this idea of organized clubs and sports but they should be the ones in charge of carting your backside around.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against all after school programs. I just wish they would offer it during hours that would work best for me so that dinner wasn’t at 8:30 at night followed by 4 hours of homework.
Why not do it on the weekends and call it “after-hours activities” so mummy and daddy could actually go out one night and pretend that we have a life of our own.
Don’t worry about us though — I’m sure that “what’s his name” and I will be married a very long time.
Misconception Number 9: Mums don’t mind taking you to school if you miss the bus.
Your bus comes at 7:10 AM, which means that you should be standing by the door at 7:05 AM. Not eating breakfast, chasing the dog around the house or in the bathroom asking me to check your homework while I’m taking a shower.
Get it together! I don’t like running down the street in my jammies at 7:12 screaming “Please wait”.
Misconception Number 10: Mums cry on your first day of school.
We do cry but they are tears of joy.
I have done my job. I have successfully kept a human child alive for at least 5 years without doing any major damage.
Motherhood is the hardest job in the world!! Sure, doctors save lives and CEO’s run billion dollar businesses. But you teach a kid not to soil their pants and then you can truly say you’ve made the world a better place.